Moonlight Diamond Benedictions, Beauty, and Magick

Pull up a chair, my tribe, and I’ll tell you a story, of the Before Times, which I rarely speak of – of my life before illness, which was an unusual one by anyone’s standards. It is a bitterly cold night here on the Mountain, 8 degrees and snowy, and gazing at that snow, so incredibly fine due to the very cold air, I see it sparkle in the deck lights, and am reminded of another snowy night, so long ago, almost half a lifetime now…

I remember…
…being a single mom living with my 7 year-old daughter in a very poorly-built log cabin, with no running water, in Ohio. I hadn’t planned to be there on my own… a marriage had recently ended badly, leaving me broken-hearted and financially-ruined. I found myself enrolled in college, learning to be a naturalist or forest ranger by day, and returning home in the evenings to a great deal of responsibility… “living rough” had seemed a fine idea when I was married to someone who people compared to the “Marlboro man,” but it was a daunting prospect for a woman alone…

After a long day of college classes that involved much hiking, near sunset on a bitterly cold Winter evening, I wearily climb the steep hill to the cabin, my daughter at my side. It is cold inside, too – the cabin is heated only by a woodstove, and, being incredibly drafty, requires a constant, roaring, fire, but the fire has been banked all day, down to a slow burn. I pile on wood and get it warming up, then move outside to chores as the daylight fades.

I break the ice in my rain barrels, and tend to my two horses, and feed far too many wolves. With what little energy I have left, I scrape together dinner for my daughter, and try to be there for her. I don’t do a very good job. My situation is overwhelming, is desperate, and I don’t know how I will get through it. I am deeply depressed, but trying not to show it.

But after she is tucked in bed, I pull my boots, coat and warmest gloves back on, and go back out into the biting cold to split wood. I have just used up all the already split wood to warm the house for the evening. Cutting and splitting the wood by myself is a never-ending chore, and I cannot get caught up.

The Moon is full and bright overhead, reflecting off the snow, and I can see my way clearly. I have no outside lights, so I glance up, thankful of the Moon’s brilliance. The snow crunches and squeeks under my boots, as it only does when it is so cold. I struggle to put a snow-covered log up on my chopping block. The splitting maul is lifted and brought down on the log with a well-practiced, if exhausted, stroke, and that moment is when the Magick happens, when everything changes…

The snow and ice on the top of the log suddenly explodes up around me in a powder-fine cloud, and every single flake, every single speck, sparkles in the moonlight with glittering rainbows, as it flies up around me and ever, ever, so slowly falls.

It is as if I have been showered with finely ground diamonds, or fairy dust, each speck shimmering with all the shades of the rainbow – deep blue, purple, scarlet red, fire orange – and the bright white of the Moon as they fall.

It is perhaps the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, and all because we were out of wood on a cold winter night.

I stand there in astonishment, as the cloud of glimmering diamond snowdust settles on and around me, and then gaze up at the bright Moon above me.

If I had needed a sign that even in one’s darkest hour there is Beauty, there is Hope, then I had surely been gifted with one, and I had, indeed, needed just such a sign.

It seems it is a fine and beautiful night for chopping wood after all, and I split enough for several days, laughing like a child as the rainbow-sparkling snowdust falls all around me and the glorious Moon shines down from above.

The memory of the unexpected and breathtaking Beauty of that night is a treasured one, and one I think of often. It holds and sustains me through the dark hours, and helps me find the Beauty, Inspiration, and Hope, to keep going… just as it did then.

The Moon is Magick and Mystery,
yes, and so are many other things.
If we but look,
there are signs and guideposts
all around us, pointing the way…
We have only to open our Hearts and truly See.
Advertisements

Finding The Path Forward

September is here, there’s a cool nip in the air at night, a few leaves are starting to change… Summer is coming to an end, and Autumn is beginning.

For many of my dearest friends, this brings a deep sigh of relief, and a hope that the worst is over. For almost everyone I know, it’s been a difficult Summer, full of one personal crisis after another, just as it has been for my family.

Sometimes, it’s hard to see the way forward when a crisis strikes, to find the Path you should follow. You look around in confusion and see only obstacles.

“Fauna” by Charlie Terrell

When I found this beautiful image of Fauna, Guardian of the Wood, I was reminded that, often, looking to Nature will help me find the clues and inspiration I need to find my Path again.

Sometimes, it is as if we stand in a deep, dark forest, surrounded by thick trees and brush, knowing not which way to go. We have lost our bearings, lost our way, lost our Path.

Fauna reminds us that when we find ourselves lost in the dark Forest of Life, to listen to our wild Hearts, and follow the Deer’s Trail, and we will find our way.

Deer Trail by Heather L. Loyd, via Flickr

What does that mean, to follow the Deer’s Trail? Well, the Deer are creatures of habit, and travel well-worn paths through the woods and meadows. Their cloven hooves cut deep into the earth, and pack it hard into a narrow dirt trail. Their paths often intersect and overlap with the paths made by humans, and many a hiker has lost the human trail when they veered off unknowingly onto a deer trail.

But deer also go places humans wouldn’t think to go – but could go.. They go over fallen trees, instead of being stopped by them, trees you might have to climb over. They go under bushes in perfect tunnels – perfect for their size, and for your’s, too, if you’re willing to scramble and crawl through where they go with ease.

Deer who doesn’t want to get his hooves wet!

Many’s the time I’ve run down a deer trail, barefoot, hair flying, as One with the Earth, being the Wildling I am in my Heart. And many’s the times the deer trails have shown me unexpected routes through, around, over or past obstacles.

Sometimes we look for a way forward in our lives, a clear trail, and seeing only our obstacles, we don’t see how we can do it, but if we’re willing to view them from a different angle, to scramble & climb, the Path may become clear. That is following the Deer Trail.

Once upon a time, following a deer trail literally saved my life.

Many years ago, when I was in my 20’s, my husband & I were looking for land to buy, and checking out Tennessee around the Smoky Mountains. We had already looked once at an incredibly beautiful and huge piece of land, something like 2-300 acres. Before we made an offer, we wanted to give it one final, really good, going over, since that’s a lot of land to check out.

We had parked our trusty Suburu at the gate & walked in, marveling at the forests, the open meadows, large cedar trees, beautiful big rugged stones, and a lovely lake. It was gorgeous, and I just loved it.

Poly Tunnel

Then we came to an area that had a tractor sitting by it, and a large tilled spot. There were three very long poly tunnels over it, the kind you use to protect plants from frost. It seemed to me that first frost should have been past, and I could see some of the plants were just about touching the tops of the inside of the tunnels, which were around 4′ tall, but I couldn’t see what they were.

So I took a look, as did my husband. They sure weren’t the tomatoes under my poly tunnels at home! No, they were pot plants, and each tunnel had plants in different stages of growth. The oldest plants were starting to bud, and were almost ready for harvest.

We looked at the sheer number of plants, looked at each other, realised our car was parked at the gate by the road, and said in unison, “We’ve got to get out of here, NOW!” It had to have been hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of weed, street value, if not more. This was backwoods Tennessee. We knew what would happen if we were caught up there – we’d just disappear. And nobody even knew where we were.

Then we heard the sound of an ATV heading our way, and decided we would be better off to split up – that way there was a higher chance at least one of us would make it out alive. We took off, running for our lives, in different directions, on land we didn’t know at all, this only being the second time we’d set foot on it.

I wound up coming to a hill that led to the creek that bordered the property, and I knew if I got to the creek I could follow it to the road.

Greenbrier Vines

My feet flew as I followed a deer trail down the treacherously steep hill, only to find, half-way down, that the entire bottom of the hillside, as far as I could see, was covered in a giant thicket of greenbrier, 6 or 7 feet high. It looked completely impenetrable, and to my eyes, the deer trail just ended at the edge of the greenbrier… until I leaned down, and saw it went into the greenbrier thicket.

I heard the ATV getting closer, and voices, but they couldn’t see me yet, so I followed the deer trail, into the greenbrier. The deer apparently aren’t bothered by the thorns, and I found a well worn tunnel they’d made, about 3′ high, with dirt on the bottom.

I crawled thru the greenbrier on hands and knees, while it grabbed at my clothes, my arms and legs, slowing me down. At one point, I froze when I heard the ATV stop at the top of the hill, and people talking. I was completely hidden in the seemingly impenetrable greenbrier thicket.

They moved on, and I eventually emerged, scratched all to heck, but the deer trail had saved me. I met my husband at the car and we took off, and passed on Tennessee entirely!

There is always a Path for us to follow, although at times it’s hard to see. For those of you struggling, who can’t see a way forward, listen to your Heart, and try looking for your Path from another angle. The way may be found in an unexpected place… and you might have to crawl through some briars first. But you will find your way again!

In Memorium: My Father’s Passing

My Dad, Feb., ’06

Today my father, Joseph L. Collins, passed away, but just moments before he did, I had a great and rare blessing, and I would like to share it with you.

My father was 84, and had been in the hospital a week, before being moved to rehab. However, he took a sudden turn for the worse early yesterday morning, with pneumonia and organ failure.

I spoke to him yesterday, and told him goodbye, and that I loved him, over the phone. I could hear him trying to reply, thru his oxygen mask.

My brother, Clay, flew down yesterday to be with our father, in Tampa, and hold vigil.

I spoke to my brother about 10am this morning, and he said that my dad wasn’t really conscious, but the nurses said that my dad was aware of those around him, and to keep talking to him.

I asked my brother to hold the phone to my father’s ear, intending to tell him that it was okay to move on, and that I loved him. The arrival of doctors & nurses interrupted this, and my brother said he would call me back.

The minutes turned to hours, and I heard nothing.

But, I felt a strong call to the porch, to sit & rock & survey the Woods.

Almost immediately, I very strongly felt my father’s presence.  I didn’t know if he had passed away already or not, but I could feel him standing there in front of me, and that there was a Divine Presence there with him, as if it was behind him. He was just radiating great Love.

I could not exactly see my dad… it was as if he stood in front of a very brilliant Light, so I could only see my father’s silhouette. That Light, I knew with absolute certainty, was the Light of God, and it was so bright I could not look upon it. But it was much more than Light… it was tremendous Love, Joy, and Peace.

My father spoke to me, then. I could hear his words, in his own voice. He said he loved me, and then he gave me an incredible hug: he enveloped me in Love; he wrapped me in Love like a warm blanket on a freezing cold night. It was such an amazing feeling, and really, there aren’t words for it.

We often say, “God is Love,” and the few times I have been so touched in this way, it has brought tears, as it did today… but they were not tears of sadness at the realization that my father was passing away, but tears of overwhelming Joy & overflowing Love. My heart was so full of Love that the extra Love came out as silent, effortless, tears, and I found myself smiling, to see my father with the Divine. I believe, and my experience has been, that God, or the Divine Presence, is Love, is Joy, is Peace… it is all those, and much more, and those were with my father, because God was with my father, when he came to say goodbye to me.

I told my dad I loved him, and always had, no matter the distance that had been between us. He asked for my forgiveness, and I told him he’d had that long ago. He said he was sorry for the past, and I said I was, too. He asked what I’d done to my shoulder, and I told him, and he said I lived in a beautiful place. I told him he was welcome anytime.

Then he scolded me a little, noticing how very ill I am, and saying I hadn’t told him just how sick I am. I asked for his help then, explaining that my work here is not finished yet.

“God is with you now,” I said, and I asked him to touch me with healing & strength. I closed my eyes, and felt him touch me, touch my heart, and my heart & soul overflowed with radiant Love & Joy again. Tears streamed down my cheeks, and I felt myself smiling what I know must have been the most transcendent smile of my life, because when my dad touched me, I felt God touch me, too.

We both said that we’d always Love each other, and that Love never dies.

I could feel him being pulled away then. It was time for him to go Home, to go with God, and I could only feel peace and joy to feel him go.

I was still filled with the “afterglow” of this experience, when, within just a minute or two, my brother called. Our father was still alive, but just barely, and my brother was going to hold the phone up to his ear as he’d said he would.

I hesitantly explained that I no longer needed to talk to our dad, as I already had, and a bit of what I had experienced. I explained that I’ve had other experiences like this, since I was a child, starting with my grandma’s passing.

Within a few minutes, my father passed away. The nurses said they’d never seen anyone go so very peacefully.

My heart aches now for my brother & sister-in-law, my niece & nephew, and all those who will be mourning his passing.

But, because he stopped by here on his way, I got a rare glimpse of the Loving Arms of the Divine that are now holding my father tight. I know that he is now wrapped in that same Love and Joy that brushed me briefly, and he is experiencing it in a much, much deeper way than I did. I cannot be sad for him.
He has gone Home.

– This post is dedicated with great Love to my nephew, Clay, Jr., and my niece, Erin, who are mourning their Pa-Pa very deeply. He will always be watching out for you, and he will never, ever, stop Loving you. Neither will your Aunt Kelly.

My Dad & I, Feb. 2006