This Routine

This Routine is all too familiar.
Afternoon sun hits my shaded eyes
Like a boxer hitting his opponent.
It hurts.
I see it coming.

This Routine is all too familiar.
Dog claws click on floor,
Spoon taps bowl,
My muscles twitch.
I hear its approach.

This Routine is all too familiar.
Waves of nausea
Crash over me.
Wipeout.
I feel it swamp me.

This Routine is all too familiar.
Say, “I’m sorry,
“I’m going to the bad place.”
And close my door.
She knows this so well.

This Routine is all too familiar.
My day is done.
Now it is
Migraine’s day.
Out of my hands.

This Routine is all too familiar.
Swallow meds,
Zofran under my tongue.
Bowl beside my head.
Try to soften the blow.

This Routine is all too familiar.
Tummy Mint tea cools,
Spearmint oil soothes,
Stones ground me.

This Routine is all too familiar.
Curl up, stay still.
Close eyes.
Breathe deep.
Ignore the explosive pain.

This Routine is all too familiar.
Listen to the pounding
Pulse in my ears,
The neverending whine.
Soundtrack of my life.

This Routine is all too familiar.
Door opens softly,
Muscles twitch anyway.
“Is there anything you need?”
Not now, maybe later.

This Routine is all too familiar.
The neighbors’ dogs bicker,
Birds’ evening calls,
So loud I recoil.
Silence is needed.

This Routine is all too familiar.
Breathe deep and slow.
Controlled descent.
Where shall I go?
Far away from here.

This Routine is all too familiar.

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6 thoughts on “This Routine

  1. Your words cut like a knife with their description of the nightmare you are in. I just hope soon, you will see the forest for the trees my friend. Hang in there. May your future hold much less pain & so much more good health & happiness for you. Hugs, my friend.

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    • Thank you, Dale. I actually wrote it as it was happening, wearing two pair of sunglasses to shield my eyes from the dimmed light of my cell phone’s screen.
      And I do see the forest, actually, in a way. These migraines have taught me how to meditate and journey spiritually away from my physical self much, much better. In (almost) everything there is a lesson, or a hidden gift, I believe. And that is the migraines’ gift.

      Gentle hugs & love to you, my friend. Thank you for your support!

      Ash

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      • I am so glad you found a beautiful way to cope with your migraines Ash. You’re such a beautiful person in so many ways. Acceptance is important & you are doing beautifully with it. Despite all the hardships, you remain a light at the end of the tunnel into wellness for yourself. Even if it has to be a dim one at times. Love to you friend. Dale

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        • What a beautiful thing to say, Dale! I appreciate all the caring & support you give. My head is pounding as I write – it’s raining, front coming through, so here comes trouble for my head.
          But I can and will deal with it. Smiling still from your loving comments… thank you!
          *gentlest hugs*
          Ash

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  2. Hello my dear Friend, I hope, with all my heart, that as I write, the migraine pain is over. I will shout out at the sky, my prayer for you –that you will be free of the pain!

    I am so sorry. So very sorry Ash.

    I started to read the letter, but the tears took over. I’ll have to come back for that post in a little while.

    Blessings to you and yours,
    Love, Michelle
    xoxoxo

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    • Hi Michelle!

      I did find your 2 comments in the spam bin, and deleted your comments about having difficulty. Weird. Hopefully now they’ll show up!

      The migraines have waxed & waned, and now are waxing again today, as the thunder beings shake the earth. I feel like my head’s about to explode.

      I greatly appreciate all your prayers & support! I’m sorry I’ve been somewhat absent lately – my mother is about to move to Texas in 2 days and have been busy trying, with my very limited energy, to make space in our crowded house for the furniture items she’s given us. It all arrived this morning, but will be awhile before some of it gets into its permanant location.

      About the letter… yes, it’s very hard to read. It was not the childhood I wanted for Rhiannon. But I thought she did such a great job of describing the situation, that it should be shared, so other people could learn from it, maybe family members of fellow patient-friends who don’t “get it.” I hope it helps someone – it was certainly viewed a lot & shared to facebook a lot.

      Sending lots of love & healing thoughts to you & yours!
      Ash

      Like

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