I just hopped onto my blog searching for some info on my Lyrica dosage and weight, as I’m about to go see my LLMD/rheumatologist, whom I haven’t seen in almost a year. While sorting through the mess in my room, asking myself why on Earth I don’t actually file important info like my old labs so I don’t have to hunt for them, I came across a receipt from my neurologist’s office, from May. With it was a RX for Lyrica, 150mg, 4 times a day – a total of 600mg a day.
I remember getting it.
I remember at the time, I was on 225mg twice a day, for a total of 450mg a day.
I remember adding one of my leftover 150mg capsules to my already filled med boxes, which brought me up to 600mg a day, the target dose.
But I can’t remember what happened after that.
Why didn’t I get the RX filled? Was it because I couldn’t tolerate the 600mg a day dosage? Had my PCP nixed the 600mg a day dosage?
A lot was happening in May & June, so maybe it just got missed. But I’m usually so careful with my meds. I usually know what I’m taking better than the doctors do. It bothers me that I can’t remember. A lot.
But as I was reading through my June blog posts looking for a clue, I re-read a post I wrote called “The Stranger In The Mirror.”
Of the 107 posts on my blog, I think it is one of the most revealing, the most poignant, the most touching. Maybe it was too revealing, too personal.
It brought a great sense of stillness inside to re-read it, and know I’m still there, at that place. Only a little bit more so. Three pounds more so – my weight has continued to drop, and I’m now 119# and struggling to keep it from dropping more. Struggling to eat enough calories just to maintain my weight.
Last Thursday, I stood in Walgreen’s with Rhiannon, while she encouraged me to buy chocolate.
It was surreal.
I’m sure she thought she was being really subtle about it, saying she was craving chocolate.
But we’d just come from the PCP, who expressed her concern about my weight loss, and said if I didn’t stop the downward slide that she was going to have to “do a major work-up.” I found it slightly amusing as she said it in a somewhat threatening tone, trying to impress upon me the need to eat eat eat & so avoid whatever the “major work-up” would entail.
But I’m not easily scared by medical procedures anymore. I lost my fear of needles, blood draws, scans & MRI’s & EKG’s & EEG’s & all the rest of that crap a long time ago.
How very far I’ve come.